Alright! Here is the other half of my entry for this week. A bunch of these movies are either bad horror movies from the 50's or popular movies that people will hate me for hating. Oh, and if you haven't read my list of favorite movies yet, you should probably do that first. Anyway, can't wait to hear comments!!
Top 10 Worst Movies I Have Ever Seen
1. The Brain From Planet Arous (1957)
Ok, so my dad got this movie from Netflix for Halloween because he remembered seeing it on TV when he was a kid. Why he bothered watching it, I have no idea. This is one of those movies that obviously had a really low budget, so instead of animating the giant floating brains, they just made transparent puppets and dangled them from strings. I don’t really know what it was actually supposed to be about, but seriously, only watch this if you are willing to make jokes about it. Seriously, it’s not even very good for that.
2. The Crawling Hand (1963)
Yes, another cheesy horror movie. Well. My dad used to watch this television show called “Mystery Science Theatre 3000,” where three guys would watch a terrible movie and make fun of it while you were watching it. So, one day my dad found a bunch of old “Mystery Science Theatres” on DVD in a cheap video store and bought a few. “The Crawling Hand” was one of them. This movie is so bad that the guys in the TV show couldn’t even make fun of it. It was that bad. It was incredibly boring, and honestly I don’t really think we knew what was going on most of the time except that this guy’s girlfriend found this random hand on the beach and now it was terrorizing the guy’s mom because he brought it home. I guess intelligence runs in his family.
3. The Ten Commandments (1956) Charlton Heston, Yul Brenner
Not that I don’t enjoy the first half hour of laughing at the terrible acting, but seriously, 4 hours? How long does it take to tell a bible story? I could probably read the entire Torah in the time it takes you to watch this whole movie. I could also probably make a fortune if you paid me a dollar every time Nefretiri says, “Moses, Moses.” And, as mentioned before, some parts of this movie are very enjoyable, like the “Ethiopia” scene, but honestly, it’s just bad. Well, really bad.
4. The Pink Panther (2006) Steve Martin, Kevin Kline
I have nothing good to say about this one. My parents convinced my brother and I to watch one of the original ones, and let me tell you, that one was so much better than this disaster. Naturally, when we saw it on the “On Demand” list, we thought it would be like the other one. We were so wrong. I’m sorry, but this movie just stunk like a skunk.
5. Twilight (2008) Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson
I know I’m going against every girl in America, and possibly the world by saying this, but this movie was bad. It was really bad. The acting was just not the best, to put it nicely. And honestly, what was up with that Transylvanian accent that Edward sported for half the film? The special effects were ok, except in that one scene when he’s supposed to sparkle, or something? Yeah, he just looked sweaty. People in the theatre I saw it in laughed at parts that weren’t supposed to be funny. Sorry guys.
1. The Brain From Planet Arous (1957)
Ok, so my dad got this movie from Netflix for Halloween because he remembered seeing it on TV when he was a kid. Why he bothered watching it, I have no idea. This is one of those movies that obviously had a really low budget, so instead of animating the giant floating brains, they just made transparent puppets and dangled them from strings. I don’t really know what it was actually supposed to be about, but seriously, only watch this if you are willing to make jokes about it. Seriously, it’s not even very good for that.
2. The Crawling Hand (1963)
Yes, another cheesy horror movie. Well. My dad used to watch this television show called “Mystery Science Theatre 3000,” where three guys would watch a terrible movie and make fun of it while you were watching it. So, one day my dad found a bunch of old “Mystery Science Theatres” on DVD in a cheap video store and bought a few. “The Crawling Hand” was one of them. This movie is so bad that the guys in the TV show couldn’t even make fun of it. It was that bad. It was incredibly boring, and honestly I don’t really think we knew what was going on most of the time except that this guy’s girlfriend found this random hand on the beach and now it was terrorizing the guy’s mom because he brought it home. I guess intelligence runs in his family.
3. The Ten Commandments (1956) Charlton Heston, Yul Brenner
Not that I don’t enjoy the first half hour of laughing at the terrible acting, but seriously, 4 hours? How long does it take to tell a bible story? I could probably read the entire Torah in the time it takes you to watch this whole movie. I could also probably make a fortune if you paid me a dollar every time Nefretiri says, “Moses, Moses.” And, as mentioned before, some parts of this movie are very enjoyable, like the “Ethiopia” scene, but honestly, it’s just bad. Well, really bad.
4. The Pink Panther (2006) Steve Martin, Kevin Kline
I have nothing good to say about this one. My parents convinced my brother and I to watch one of the original ones, and let me tell you, that one was so much better than this disaster. Naturally, when we saw it on the “On Demand” list, we thought it would be like the other one. We were so wrong. I’m sorry, but this movie just stunk like a skunk.
5. Twilight (2008) Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson
I know I’m going against every girl in America, and possibly the world by saying this, but this movie was bad. It was really bad. The acting was just not the best, to put it nicely. And honestly, what was up with that Transylvanian accent that Edward sported for half the film? The special effects were ok, except in that one scene when he’s supposed to sparkle, or something? Yeah, he just looked sweaty. People in the theatre I saw it in laughed at parts that weren’t supposed to be funny. Sorry guys.
6. Pride and Prejudice (1940) Greer Garson, Laurence Olivier
Surprised? Well, this one is the bad, old version. It’s in black-and-white and it should definitely stay that way. Whoever made this movie clearly did not grasp the whole idea of Pride and Prejudice. Not at all. Yeah, whose idea was it to make Mary, of all people, find love in the end? I think we all got a good laugh out of this one, and it isn’t good for much else.
7. Pride and Prejudice (2005) Kiera Knightly, Talulah Riley
That was the bad, old one; this one is the bad, new version. I have a feeling it was bad directing, because I’ve seen a bunch of people in this in other movies where they’ve been really good. The main thing that bothered me about this movie was Mr. Darcy. Hello, he’s not supposed to like Lizzie at the beginning! He is also not supposed to walk around like a lovesick puppy for the entire movie. The weird thing is that a ton of people love this movie, and I just can’t stand it.
8. Bells of St. Mary’s (1945) Bing Crosby, Ingrid Bergman
We found this on VHS lying around one day, and decided to watch it. That was a mistake. This was a weird one. It’s sweet, I guess if you like this kind of thing, but really, what I remember from this movie is Bing Crosby singing to a bunch of kids in a Catholic school and Ingrid Bergman walking around dressed like a nun. Snore.
9. Pinocchio (1940)
This movie scared the living daylights out of me when I was little. And why wouldn’t it? It’s about a puppet that goes to a creepy circus or something and ends up in a whale’s belly. I mean, Jonah and the Whale I can handle, but why do you have to throw a puppet and some sad music into the mix? Why?
10. Spy Kids (2001)
This movie…I mean, what the heck were they thinking? Why would you make a kids movie with creepy clown-like things in it? Why would you make this exceedingly creepy and odd movie? Why? I just don’t get this one. The people who have been turned into odd things and the weird robotic kids are totally creepy, and then it turns the whole thing around into this little kid family thing about kids and their parents being a spy team. It’s just a weird, bad movie.
Surprised? Well, this one is the bad, old version. It’s in black-and-white and it should definitely stay that way. Whoever made this movie clearly did not grasp the whole idea of Pride and Prejudice. Not at all. Yeah, whose idea was it to make Mary, of all people, find love in the end? I think we all got a good laugh out of this one, and it isn’t good for much else.
7. Pride and Prejudice (2005) Kiera Knightly, Talulah Riley
That was the bad, old one; this one is the bad, new version. I have a feeling it was bad directing, because I’ve seen a bunch of people in this in other movies where they’ve been really good. The main thing that bothered me about this movie was Mr. Darcy. Hello, he’s not supposed to like Lizzie at the beginning! He is also not supposed to walk around like a lovesick puppy for the entire movie. The weird thing is that a ton of people love this movie, and I just can’t stand it.
8. Bells of St. Mary’s (1945) Bing Crosby, Ingrid Bergman
We found this on VHS lying around one day, and decided to watch it. That was a mistake. This was a weird one. It’s sweet, I guess if you like this kind of thing, but really, what I remember from this movie is Bing Crosby singing to a bunch of kids in a Catholic school and Ingrid Bergman walking around dressed like a nun. Snore.
9. Pinocchio (1940)
This movie scared the living daylights out of me when I was little. And why wouldn’t it? It’s about a puppet that goes to a creepy circus or something and ends up in a whale’s belly. I mean, Jonah and the Whale I can handle, but why do you have to throw a puppet and some sad music into the mix? Why?
10. Spy Kids (2001)
This movie…I mean, what the heck were they thinking? Why would you make a kids movie with creepy clown-like things in it? Why would you make this exceedingly creepy and odd movie? Why? I just don’t get this one. The people who have been turned into odd things and the weird robotic kids are totally creepy, and then it turns the whole thing around into this little kid family thing about kids and their parents being a spy team. It’s just a weird, bad movie.
I'm not sure about the next topic yet...maybe some sort of musical thing?
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Like you I have seen Twilight, Pinocchio, Pride and Prejudice, The Pink Panther, and The Ten Commandments. I agree with you on all of them except Spy Kids. When we were little my older sister and I pretended we were Carmen and Juni, on missions. I have seen that movie so many times that I memorized every single word.
ReplyDeleteNow I know what movies not to watch! I really liked this blog because it conveyed to me that not all people like the same types of movies. Your commentary was also really impressive. Describing how all of them are so bad showed me your opinion, and presented reasons that told me why you feel that way about it.
On the other hand, I feel that you didn't describe the characters in the movies enough. Like you didn't describe why Carmen Cortez or another character made the movie bad. I would have liked you to do that. You use words like wierd and bad, and my suggestion is you should use different synonyms once in a while.
AnNiE
+1. Bold move for the Twilight one! im glad that the Edward Cullen fansite girls havent taken you yet.... but seriously, im glad you express your own thoughts without fear of what may come after it :)
ReplyDelete+2. I can defintily relate - we had to watch the Ten Commandment in our CCD as well :P
1. add a cooment like "although kids enjoy this"or something,so its not completely negative.
2. um.. maybe pu them in chronological order...? idk. s'all good :D
Thanks guys!! Sorry for putting down one of your favorites. :(
ReplyDeleteNo "Plan Nine from Outer Space"?
ReplyDeleteNo "Trogg"?
No "The Notebook"(Sorry--I couldn't resist.)
No "Phantom Menace"?
It just goes to show you that for as long as there have been movies, there have been bad movies.
Lose the "well" and "I mean" and this would be even better!
I greatly enjoyed reading this. You have a real talent for humor--employ it when appropriate, such as you do here.